It has finally happened. For a long time, I saw him coming. I’d get out of the shower and start rinsing a razor under the tap. Then fleetingly, I’d see him in the mirror.
“Is that really him?” I would wonder.
However, the man looking back at me in the mirror would vanish as I straightened up a bit. For a while, I, therefore, thought I was safe. Sadly, though, this is no longer the case.
Today, after finding out that I can no longer fit comfortably into a standard size bathtub, I realized that it has finally happened. I now have the body shape of George R. R. Martin.
That I have let this happen to myself quite extraordinarily undermines the fact that I try to live healthily and like to think I’m self-taught enough to be a semi-official alternative health practitioner. However, for the past 6-months, I just haven’t been able to stop putting food in my face.
As with all English people, it started with a pie shop. My local shop that I go to every morning for coffee started selling feshly prepared sausage rolls, pea pies called pastizis, chicken pie, tuna pie, and even pizza.
It felt rude at first not to buy a pie because I have such a rapport with the shop owner. Then suddenly, I was having BBQ chicken pizza for breakfast every morning with a side order of sausage rolls to take home for lunch.
“I’ll walk it off,” I said. “I just won’t swim this year.” And, “This is only while I’m being so productive,” I told myself. — And since being fat, I have become more productive.
Where before I used to like nothing more than nice long walks with Chico, being too ashamed to go out in daylight, has made me focus more on my freelance career.
Now, though, it has to stop.
At this point, I’m not just comfortably “yeah, it doesn’t matter” fat. My on-off girlfriend has left me for her gay best friend, and every morning I wake up surprised that my sheer mass hasn’t caused the universe to sink in on itself. Today, I therefore, didn’t eat a single pastry item.
It is going to be a long journey. However, I am at the point where if I don’t stop sedentarily eating anything in sight while I write landing pages for life coaches, I will die.
This is of course, a quite embarrassing state of affairs. However, I am sure that there must be others like me. i.e. People who let everything slip occasionally when they freelance full-time. In this case, there it is. Freelancing made me fat and it can make you fat too.
I don’t know if this post should come across as a warning or motivational, or something in between. Either way. if you too are at the point where breathing in just doesn’t work anymore, you are not alone.