Fiverr Forum

Forget these frikken "sir, dear, madam" words!


#1

I’ve recently created a buyer request and got lots of offers that contained these words multiply times! I also tried to communicate with some of them and they were using them constantly in messages too (of course with poor English)! Why why. It still hurts! I don’t understand why people do try to be on a site without having a proper English knowledge, where the main language is English and learning this language isn’t difficult, e.g for me, from B1 level to C1 level took only 3 months!


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#2

It’s a form of cultural bias. In some regions of the world is the wording used to address strangers.
You can remind to the buyer that you prefer to be called in a different way, or ask to avoid certain expressions if they cross the line (dude, bro, sis and the happy family), but that’s it.


#3

Сover letter should always be neutral. It shouldn’t be beautiful, it shouldn’t be too polite. Dry, strict and clear.
It’s like the first letter to a girl you want to interest, while she’s already received a million letters from other mans with the same type of compliments


#4

It’s a regional thing. People in this part of the world use those words in the professional place quite a lot. But I agree that some people could really do with a language course or something. It gets really hard to understand them even though I’m from the same subcontinent.


#5

and everything depends on your portfolio in the first place like at online dating everything depends on your pictures of you! :smiley:


#6

In some cultures and countries these are considered to be polite.

I avoid sellers who call me “dear” but my favorite seller in Sri Lanka calls me madam and at first I was amused but now I understand it is how they try to be polite to customers.

So as long as the rest of their communication is good, try to be understanding of being called sir or madam, although it’s harder when they get your gender wrong.


#7

A thread :small_red_triangle_down: with over 100 posts discussing the same thing.


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#8

Ofcourse incomprehensive English might be annoying, but how does calling a person “sir” or “madam” bother? In our country, we use “Dear xyz” in letters in most cases. A courteous person uses “sir” or “ma’am” for strangers.
Would you please say where these words are used in your country? Just curious.


#9

Here you go:


#10

“Dear username” is one thing; just “dear” isn’t used unless you’re talking to your girlfriend/spouse or a person you’re really close to. There are also cases of someone’s sweet old grandma calling me “dear”, but you’re not a sweet old grandma of a person I know outside of Fiverr. Calling a woman you don’t know “dear” can make her feel uncomfortable, and see you as a creep; calling a man you don’t know “dear” can make him think that you’re, well, flirting with him. Is that what you want people to think?

Another problem with “dear” is that it’s often used by people who are trying to get a discount, and those people tend to get very unpleasant when they don’t get what they want (and even if you give them a discount one time, they expect to receive it every time, plus a super-fast delivery, plus unlimited revisions, plus…). I suppose that the use of “dear” gets associated with those people after a while.

“Sir” and “Madam” are often seen as too formal for Fiverr. On top of that, way too many people misgender women and call them “Sir” (why, do they think that a woman can’t own a business, or give a good advice, or be a figure of authority? If that’s what they think, it’s offensive). In some places, only older women are addressed as “Madam”, so that’s another way to offend a potential buyer.


#11

Basically on Fiverr most usernames are strange like take your username “nypox7” Its hard to address you by nypox7. So most people use sir/mam because everyone in the world is recognized by his/her name and here usernames are most of times not real.

So, I guess you should better message them to call your bla bla or what ever is okay to you. I am sure you will get the best result!


#12

But you don’t have to address them by name/sir/madam if you’re not sure what to call them. You can say something like: “Hello, thank you for taking interest in my services…” and then proceed to answer their questions. Or, if you’re applying to BR, you can start with: “Hello, I see that you need so-and-so, and here’s what I can do for you…”

Otherwise, you might offend a woman by calling her “Sir” (it happens a lot, both on the forum and in messages), or you might get an angry “I’m not your dear!” response and lose a customer.


#13

Otherwise, you might offend a woman by calling her “Sir”

On the forum alone, I’ve seen it happen a few times to poor @Offlinehelpers.


#14

Rub it in why don’t you! :slightly_smiling_face:


#15

IKR it’s like a woman can’t enjoy a cool boy cut (short hairdo if you will) without some chap calling her “sir” grr. Annoying!


#16

If you knew my hair, you’d understand. Left to its own devices it actually has its own postcode! :rofl:


#17

It creates a certain bad feeling when someone here calls me dear. It’s actually insulting and also sleazy. It’s like they are saying they think I’m some helpless little female, not too smart, not at all capable, someone who needs guidance and help and is pitiful. It’s a putdown.


#18

Mine looks (somewhat) good when it’s long, but it’s heavy. A while ago, when I cut it to shoulder length, I suddenly lost 2 kilos. :rofl:


#19

Can’t beat short hair. You get out of the shower and it’s dry before you’ve even put your socks on.


#20

As lots of you wrote, using such words is due to tradition. In many languages (especially oriental ones) some traditional words do not have exact English translation.

If the person is bigger than you, we call it “siz” in my language. However, there is no translation for this word in English. “You” is too close but even not similar.

If I translate “you” in Turkish and say it one of my older, it seems a am a rude and even irreverent.

I usually give my name in first message and ask my buyer’s name. Than I call him/her with his/her name. ı think this is the best way.