My child, my child. My poor, poor child. I saw visions of your future should you willfully and most foolishly walk down this path.
Black the path was, and nary a rose petal in sight or smell. It was raining blood and babies, and in the center of this vision was the Great Goddess Martha, cackling like a deranged demon who had found a new human to channel her army of spider-people babies into this world. Worse, they don’t eat food. They eat rose petals.
My wall of infinite wisdom made an eerie groan as I focused on it. I divined that it had bitcoin indigestion, a common side-effect of the greed of our society.
But I am not here to judge, my child. If you must be the Great Ruin of Civilization all for want of BT and petal-eating spider-babies, who am I to prevent you from walking your self-ordained path?
First, you need at least a billion rose petals (CURRENTLY ON DISCOUNT! CONTACT ME FOR MORE DETAILS!) and a thorny twig stalk fashioned to look like a voodoo Naomi doll. You must prick an appendage–any will do, but the more painful the pricking the better–then scatter a couple of million about while chanting Praise Duct Tape. Throw them fast enough so that a vortexy portal into the room (must be at least 10x10 sq ft) so Martha can work it hard and make the prickly object of your desire come to you with a womb as fertile as ancient Mesopotamian fields.
I have several fedoras, but I believe the m’lady one will fit you best. It comes in white with a fashionable red ribbon, black with a fashionable red ribbon and charcoal with a fashionable red ribbon. I also have red fedoras with a fashionable red ribbon. Rose petal accessories optional for added m’ladying.
May this help you in your journey through the cosmos.