Fiverr Community Forum

It must be the heat that brings them out

“How exactly, for future reference, could I have been any more clear about what I wanted?”

Sasses the buyer who just got landed with an order upgrade, because they failed to state they needed an audio sync for their video.

“Just be absolutely clear in your mind about what you require from the job and then state it”, was my reply.

My favorite (but please never order from my gigs) buyers are those who send a message saying:

Hi,

We are a new business building our website and marketing profile. Please see the attached 2,000-word PDF, seven links to businesses like ours, and three 15-minute Youtube videos which explain what we do. Please then tell us what you could do for us and how you will go about it.

Yours Sincerely,

Miss or Mr. Hugely Self-Important

(All information provided usually results in there being no way to reasonably ascertain anything about the business at hand.)

My Reply:

Hi,

**Sorry, I’m afraid I don’t offer any kind of consultation service. **

Kind Regards,

Cy

The usual response:

I AM NOT ASKING FOR A CONSULTATION!! WHY EVEN OFFER YOUR SERVICES HERE? CUSTOMER SERVICE IS PARAMOUNT. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR BUSINESS!!!

Yes, and I hope you find your way in life also. Meanwhile, I’ll rest happy knowing that I passed in this potential $15 order…

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I’ll do you one better:

Untitled

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Oh, I could go way better…

I’ve had beauticians ask me to write a sales copy for their business which includes key details such as how they watched a loved one be decapitated at a young age. - Seriously

Then there are the “I want a sales letter guaranteed to get me $1,000,000 in investment from X company” bunch. Then there are the people who say: “Nice one, :poop: head” when you say you can’t help or work to their budget.

The “Hi” people I just ignore completely.

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I’ve never had an order placed by anyone that opened with just “hi”. I’d honestly ignore these kinda people as well but gotta keep that response rate up.

My perpetrator also falls into the ‘hugely self-important’ category.

They run a business that sells wireless headphones. Yes, you heard that right - wireless headphones! Wow, what are wireless headphones? Never heard of that concept before. I love living in the future.

Of course, my reply far exceeded the one sentence I quoted myself as saying - it was actually a three paragraph, blow-by-blow guide on how to express your ideas clearly, written in such a way so that it comes across as generally nice and helpful, but was covertly delivered wrapped in an invisible, sardonic cloaking material. I also quoted their original message, confirming that no mention was made of VO sync. It made me feel better, anyway.

I did the work, delivered with a pleasant message, offered a ‘life line’ in case there is a problem and waved it off from the shoreline.

Of course, all that needed to be said in that instance from the buyer was ideally, “Hey Jon, sorry about that, I should’ve clarified. I’ve accepted the offer. Thanks!” Something along those lines and then there wouldn’t be this awkward atmosphere, but no; saltiness must prevail.

And I couldn’t have really ignored the message, as it was a direct question. It warranted a reply and I’m always keen to provide that quick, efficient, customer service. I was just being a good “doer”. :wink:

I think I have just had my best inbox message event yet:

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Sadly, as entertaining as I found this buyers’ foot in mouth seizure, my internal computer had already decided against taking on any more orders this weekend. :slight_smile:

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That is particularly good.
I have had similar issues with people trying to use the word “can’t” which is always amusing.

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I’ve been getting so many “Hi” or “Rank my Page” clients which I have to turn away that my conversion rate is now below 5%. This is gonna be a tough summer ain’t it.

I wish I could say that it isn’t going to be a tough summer, but I feel you are right.

Just had an order from that dreaded certain part of the world - didn’t upload the script and yet ‘the clock is ticking’, as the web page likes to point out. Yes, great. Not much good if I don’t have a script to record though, is it? They’ve ordered a 24 hour delivery and it’s Saturday evening where they are now - so probably out on the lash and won’t bother to check their notifications until time is almost up tomorrow afternoon, where they will pick themselves up from where they fell the night before and take their hangover out on me.

Seriously, who set this website up. This is not good work - more like the kind of result you’d get from an office temp with a bad attitude.

These are becoming a bit too frequent for me. I’m at the point where I’m ready to scream at buyers like this: "Do you realize that you are responsible for making me and others extremely prejudiced against your entire place in the world? You might call that racist but I see you treating me as a virtual slave as racist! Now get out and spread the word that I don’t cater for your kind of bull :poop: Good Riddance!"

Of course, the day I ever do that, I’m pretty sure my Fiverr account will set on fire.

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I think I’ve been fairly lucky recently and not had one from there for a while, but as we know, our luck never lasts for long and sooner or later we’re placed in the cross-hairs.

Who orders a voice over gig and doesn’t provide a script!?!

Definitely not Shaft, that’s for sure.

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Who orders a $30 video and asks when you will be able to fly to Miami to shoot the video on site? - Actually happened to me once.

Some people just don’t drink enough brain juice in the morning.

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You should have said “next week” and then delivered the order the following week. The chances of someone surviving that long with that level of IQ is unlikely.
Alternatively, if they do come back to complain, tell them you were there and they never showed up. They will assume they got the place wrong as it always happens to them.

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This particular incident was a very long time ago, thankfully.

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