Fiverr Forum

"Jaysus Betty, My Cancellation Rate Just Shot Up!"


#1

Slight exaggeration.

I have a gig in which I will rewrite 300 words of any old trash you send my way. Guaranteed to be better than the original too, since it’s a manual rewrite which means I give it the once-over then tap some nonsense in the same vein until I’m at 300, give or take…well, give… another 30 words. Because over-delivery is important kidz

Wait, this sounds like a promotional puff piece! Well, it isn’t. This buyer dug deep down low into his pockets to bring out five–count 'em–five crinkled bills. As he laid out his requirements, he flattened each clumsily with the palm of his hand.

Now he wants to cancel the order because I asked him to provide me with something to rewrite.

I cannot repeat the stream of words that I used to express my opinions and feelings about this particular person, sadly. So I sent him a custom order for $75 reminding him that if he wanted original work, then that was the price. Or, he could stick to his princely $5 and give me a damn piece to rewrite.

Due to time zone shenanigans, I don’t know what happens next. Probably my headline though.


#2

Many other freelance sites have a lovely metric that doesn’t just record the average spend over all clients (which in itself can be skewered: 2 jobs, a $200 avg could be one $5 job and one…er… whatever averages down to 200. Math is not my forte), but even better, show a cancellation rate.


#3

He thinks you need the $5 so bad you will let it go this time.


#4

Sipping my coffee and enjoying your lovely experience :). You should write a book it would be quite amusing!!!


#5

BUT I WANTED TO BUY ONE EGG TODAY!


#6

Me thinketh she complaineth too much.


#7

Yeah, I have already read @fastcopywriter’s book on his Fiverr experiences, would love to read @emmaki’s as well. She should write it really, would be an Amazon bestseller.


#8

I’d honestly purchase a copy. Haha! I am a fan, @emmaki. I believe it’s your wit that keeps you sane here on Fiverr. :wink:


#9

I am not often complimented on my sanity, so I shall cling to this nomination like Leonardo Dicap…wait… sh**.


#10

Shakespeare has some great stuff. I like his “country affairs” which doubles down on a word that is too delicately feminine to reveal on this forum.


#11

That’s too intellectual for me. Whenever someone mentions Shakespeare there is an empty void in my mind like with no other subject.


#12

I would buy it too, but I’m not too certain about the word “sane” in this thread.


#13

I feel that way about Herman Melville. Thumbs up on the 'speare for me. Fish stories, I’m good with Finding Nemo and it ends about there.


#14

At school (late 90s) we dealt with Shakespeare by seeing the Romeo + Juliet movie, which was awesome as it was basically a free trip the movies. My school also had a pathalogical obsession with touring actor troupes, and I always inappropriately “fell in love” with at least one dashing youngish man speaking in tongues. Sadly, my clumsy teenager advances were rejected and I was left to follow them around their arsing movable stage. I didn’t mention that did I? “the world is our canvas”.

I’m not bitter, but what pretentious good-looking f*ckwits they were. I also once farted really loudly in an am dram production of one of Thomas Hardy’s more dull books eh, probably tess. Got a nasty look from some old woman over that. Still the best part of the performance.

I guess you’ve all learned that I’m not someone who does first dates at the movies, huh?! Unless you pick Borat.


#15

I just remember Juliet’s dress in that movie. Borat is my idea of high culture.


#16

Please let us know when you have written your book @emmaki


#17

I have 200 erotica books for sale! One centers around a sexy pumpkin!

I even found the perfect stock photo. Go on, I challenge you, find it.


#18

How about Ali G interviewing Donald Duck? Or trump. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDu9CvbrnlM


#19

I like the way you stuck that (late 90s) in there… :slight_smile:


#20

safe innit!