Fiverr Forum

Let Me Show You I Can Write a Lyric


#1

Dear Fellow and Mellow Fiverr Forum Participants

Please allow me to kick off this “Let Me Show You” thread with the following:

“Who Am I Now You’re Gone?”

I woke up that awful
September morning…
The thing is, you didn’t.
We did everything right
We’re raising two children
But now you’re not here
Oh, God, Who am I now you’re gone?

I can’t be up with you in the ground
I can’t fly with you in the ground.
It’s like no matter what I do
Well, it drives me crazy all the time.
Now how can I tell you what we both know is true?
I was only me when I was with you…

Each day your picture fades
In my mind’s eye, and in our daughters’.
I don’t want your picture to fade
Who I was is right there in that picture beside you.
I used to know everything about you
And I don’t wanna live without you
But I gotta be here for our daughters…

I can’t be up with you in the ground
I can’t fly with you in the ground.
It’s like no matter what I do
Well, it drives me crazy all the time.
Now how can I tell you what we both know is true?
I was only me when I was with you…

Wedding days, grandkids, family to-dos
I’ll be there but I won’t be
’Cause I’m not me without you.
We did everything right
We’re raising two children
But now you’re not here
Oh, God, Who am I now you’re gone?

I can’t be up with you in the ground
I can’t fly with you in the ground.
It’s like no matter what I do
Well, it drives me crazy all the time.
Now how can I tell you what we both know is true?
I was only me when I was with you…

I suggest that there a lot of ways that interested folks in the Forum could play with this lyric in this and in other related threads:

  1. Can you correctly identify the lyric that inspired this lyric?

  2. Can you offer constructive criticism? I posted this lyric on my blog more than 2 years ago, and in all that time, NOT ONE PERSON has told me whether it’s any good or not. (I sure would like to know…) I can’t improve with as a lyricist without feedback. Is there any there there? What does it need? Should it just be abandoned? Can you rip it to shreds in a constructive way that amuses you and others in the Forum?

  3. Translators: Can you translate this lyric into another language so that it works as a lyric?

  4. Poets: Can you write a poem that responds to this lyric, or one that is just better?

  5. Lyricists: Can you write a lyric that responds to this lyric, or one that is just better?

  6. Copy writers: Can you write the copy that will convince a music publishing house to BUY this lyric?

  7. Artists: Can you illustrate a key moment from this lyric?

  8. Comic book folks: Can you create a 1- to 4-page comic strip inspired by this lyric?

If and when the Fiverr Forum Moderators work out the logistics for making audio and video work for this project:

  1. Singers: Can you sing this lyric?

  2. Musicians: Can you set this lyric to music?

  3. Voice-over artists: Can you perform a dramatic reading?

  4. Spokesmodels: Can you perform this lyric as a monologue for stage or screen?

  5. Puppeteers: Can you bring this lyric to life with puppets?

  6. And so on for this and other topics I haven’t imagined, suggested by Forum Participants…

Thank you for your consideration,
Blaise


Limerick Heaven (or Hell)
I am confused! i need a mentor to #fiver_through_me! :D :innocent:
What do you think about this possible NEW feature added?
Have a nice Friday!
Buyers, Positive Rating
#2

Dear Blaise:

OMG! What a cool and fun idea with the potential to help so many under-exposed Sellers on Fiverr reach their full potential, while giving savvy Buyers a great way to check out new talent!

Are you a genius, or a super-genius?

(Don’t worry, I know that given that your modesty is your best quality, you are FAR TOO HUMBLE to answer that.)

Unfortunately, every other poster on the Fiverr Forum has been so blown away by your post they totally forgot to respond in any way.

I guess that first lyric was so overwhelmingly emotional and chock-full of nuance and whatnot, people were just too intimidated to try to follow that!

No problem, because here I am to mix things up with a much lighter lyric.

I sincerely hope you enjoy:

“Hot Mess”

Now wait a second, baby!
Juliet faked her death, Romeo took cyanide
Then Juliet offed herself with Romeo’s old knife!
There’s no happy ending here – they both died
And that’s your model for our love life?!

Hey, you’re sexy, and you could be the one
You make me feel good, my heart beat rum-tum-tum
And I’d love to see you outta your dress
But your love story’s such hot mess!

You’re Dad’s overbearin’, wants to control us
But I’m not too impressed – he’s just an old cuss.
If you’re too scared to handle your father
I can find someone else while you tread water!

Hey, you’re sexy, and you could be the one
You make me feel good, my heart beat rum-tum-tum
And I’d love to see you outta your dress
But your love story’s such hot mess!

I’ve got an idea – let’s just chill, please
I’m not sure I want a girl who kinda wants to kill me
I hope you got some other books in your liberry
Or videos! – The Andy Griffith Show or Mayberry?

Hey, you’re sexy, and you could be the one
You make me feel good, my heart beat rum-tum-tum
And I’d love to see you outta your dress
But your love story’s such hot mess!

Good luck, Blaise,
Blaise


#3

Dear Blaise,

I wanted to badge this on your Improve My Gig Checklist thread, but since it is closed to new comments…let me show you I can shop photos. :wink:

I´m sure you´ll get your next badge soon enough, but so long take the ‘Top Rated Improve My Gig-er’ badge.

Sincerely,
Mila


#4

Oh and, yes. Or no, not forgot, couldn´t.


#5

Dear Miiila:

I’ve very moved by your touching gesture.

I’m all verklempt.

I’ve added the Badge to the Portfolio for the IMG gig.

Thank you,
Blaise

P.S. I also wanted to post this text in the thread you cited, but as it’s closed, I’ll post it here:

People who buy the Improve My Gig Checklist gig get no particular advantage over just reading the thread.

There are lots of Sellers on Fiverr who do offer gigs to help you make your gigs more marketable.

I don’t offer that service, because given my own results on Fiverr, I can’t guarantee any improvement to anyone’s results.

I posted that gig for several reasons:

  1. I originally meant it as a way to politely brush off the many people who contacted me on Fiverr asking for free stuff.
  2. It’s a glorified tip gig. Any Buyer who wants to help me get to Level 2 can buy as many copies of that as they want. Buying a $5 tip gig counts as an individual gig sold. Tipping $10 is more generous in the short term, but it does not move the Level 2 needle, so for as long as I am a Level 1 Seller, buying that $5 gig helps me more…
  3. It’s a sample of me practicing what I preach. I suggest that every Seller on Fiverr offer a product, even if their focus is on Service, to build a reputation for expertise in their field.
  4. My book has sold only one copy, and that was because I asked a Buyer who offered to purchase an additional $10 gig (because they added 2 images after making their order) to buy this one $5 gig instead. The one 5-star review on that gig helps to get it established.

Maybe some day, the checklist gig (in which I just deliver a pdf) will organically start to sell.

The gig video shows the book in its entirety. If you choose, you can read the whole book without buying by pausing at certain spots. You should use a large monitor.

I state in the description that all the material in the book is available for free in the Forum.

To sum up, this book is meant to serve as an example for other Sellers on Fiverr, to help them tighten up their game.

If it sells, great, but selling that gig is not the main purpose of that gig.

All that being said, I think it would be great if people who want feedback on their gigs would read and follow the advice I point to in that thread BEFORE asking me to look at their profiles, because if they do that, I can help them more than otherwise.