My Writer's Rant at Buyers


#1

Ok, this is a rant, so all you preachers out there, hold your tongue until the end. Here goes:



I am a professional writer, doing high level work at $5 per 500 words. By the time my agent, Fiverr, takes their 20% cut, I am making $4. It may take me half an hour, it may take me an hour, or it may take me all day to complete your writing assignment. At that point, it is finished. I have gigs from Creative Writing, to Press Release, to Speeches. If you want something that you can read at the White House, the UN, or the Taj Mahal, write it your fucking self! If you can’t write, or can’t afford to hire a professional writer, don’t critique my writing for $5. It’s not included in the price. Additionally, after the second modification request, you could have had time to write the damn thing yourself.



Furthermore, a Press Release is for news! It is not an advertisement for your business. I don’t care how exciting your new website is, your gym re-grand opening, your toilet cleaning business; it is not news, so don’t order a press release from me. Especially now that my description now starts with: ATTENTION: This is not an ad for your business.



If you can’t read and write, I am not your employee. I don’t work for people who are dumber than me. Well, I do, but let’s get one thing straight, bucko, I am a freelancer. You are some schmuck one notch above a Craigslister who is too stupid or lazy to write your own 500 word article. It’s one page, for crying out loud!



So, long story short. I am doing you a huge favor, by relieving your brain of a huge task. I am not the employee that you never had, because you never made manager or never got any respect at your office. Think really long and hard before you order my service. What is your real motivation?



Thank you.


#2

I like it! Writers unite.



Do you really spend all day crafting an article? I did when I first joined, but soon after I learned to spot and avoid the type of gigs that would be too much of a drain on my time and energy. I now avoid them like the plague.


#3

@sara1984 Thanks for the support! Ironically, travel articles and home page copy are my bread and butter! Those are the ones I can do fast. The ones that kill me are the press releases. People keep insisting that a press release is an SEO article. I try to explain to them that the articles and exposure will follow, once someone is enticed by the press release to write an article. It goes in one ear and out the other… yabut… what the hell is a yabut? It’s all because of these companies like PR Web that are happy to take these suckers money and give them the impression that their cookie cutter press release about their stupid hair salon is somehow going to make money. You can’t fix stupid. If you ask them to connect the dots… duh. Tell me, Mr. Deck repair man, how my writing a press release about your business, that is like how many others out of a million, is going to get you business. As opposed to you optimizing your web site, or say, I dunno, buying an advertisement! Then these people get real testy when they think they have wasted their precious $5. Oh, no, you spent $5! OMG. It’s all my fault that you’re stupid and you’re business is a dismal failure, just like you. Go drink another beer. Or better yet, save your $5 and drink 5 beers. You’ll be better off dreaming about the business without actually wasting your time on Fiverr.


#4

@madmoo Well I certainly an honored to hear from a veteran and a master. Perhaps you are right, I should keep my thoughts private. I just wanted some feedback from “out there.” Your gigs are awesome. You are a Fiverr superstar. Thank you for your encouraging feedback.


#5

@madmoo I woke up this morning, and the first thing I thought of is how busy you must be! I looked at all of your different gigs, and I wonder how you do it. I would love to hear a break down on how your typical days goes. That would be awesome. Thank you.


#6

If you don’t want to do press releases, you should consider stating that in the gig description.



Personally, I disagree, most press releases aren’t news, they’re fake news. Sometimes they’re advertising disguised as news. A company hires a new employee? They issue a press release. Sometimes press releases are issued to improve the SEO of a company, create back-links, things like that. If you google my real name, you’ll find a press release from a company I no longer work at.



Ironically, I used to write press releases on Fiverr, it’s a good gig, you will get quite a few orders. But I got sick of it, sometimes I was wasting 30 minutes or more on each order. If you’re lucky and they have a descriptive website, it makes your job easier. But if the website has hardly anything, then you’re forced to make things up, including quotes from the Manager or VP of Operations.