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The thread where we talk about your process


damooch916

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In this thread we discuss your process.

Your freelance process, not your Netflix selection procedure or your mating ritual.

Although… your mating ritual is bound to be funnier. Alright, let me update the thread topic:

The thread where we talk about your process and maybe mating rituals (if they’re weird, like bringing a miniature karaoke machine with you everywhere you go, because you do a wicked Steven Tyler impression and you’re the kinda person who says things like, “chicks dig air guitar”)

No. I’ve re-decided. Let’s keep it strictly to your freelance process.

As a songwriter, my freelance career and my in person - pro writing career can look very different. In person, I’m working with an artist or production team who’s body of work is the launching pad of our new artistic pursuits. It’s my job to factor in their career trajectory, what they’ve said previously, what they haven’t said and what portion of those statements (melodically and philosophically) have to remain in place to retain an audience’s interest. Then I’m taxed with moving the needle. This is an example of contracted work - and it’s entirely different than staff writing, which has its own process.

None of these metrics may apply to freelancing.

But there are similarities. So the initial process remains the same:

  1. Get coffee.

  2. listen to A-Ha’s “Take on Me” and convince myself that a thread of inspiration exists between this new country artist I’m writing for and my having listened to “take on me.” Otherwise, it’s just me dancing around my kitchen to “take on me.” I prefer to see it as “gathering information.”

  3. Ask my new client every single question that could ever be asked, ever. I want to know every thing about anything that they have ever even dreamed that a song could accomplish. When I set out to write that song, I want to be so familiar with their headspace that their voice is paying rent in my imagination.

  4. I get more coffee.

This is my initial process (give or take 400 other intricate things happening that actually speak to getting work done).

I’d like to know your process.

Tell me:

  • What you do. The main thing.
  • Where you start
  • What you need to launch
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In this thread we discuss your process.

Your freelance process, not your Netflix selection procedure or your mating ritual.

Although… your mating ritual is bound to be funnier. Alright, let me update the thread topic:

The thread where we talk about your process and maybe mating rituals (if they’re weird, like bringing a miniature karaoke machine with you everywhere you go, because you do a wicked Steven Tyler impression and you’re the kinda person who says things like, “chicks dig air guitar”)

No. I’ve re-decided. Let’s keep it strictly to your freelance process.

As a songwriter, my freelance career and my in person - pro writing career can look very different. In person, I’m working with an artist or production team who’s body of work is the launching pad of our new artistic pursuits. It’s my job to factor in their career trajectory, what they’ve said previously, what they haven’t said and what portion of those statements (melodically and philosophically) have to remain in place to retain an audience’s interest. Then I’m taxed with moving the needle. This is an example of contracted work - and it’s entirely different than staff writing, which has its own process.

None of these metrics may apply to freelancing.

But there are similarities. So the initial process remains the same:

  1. Get coffee.

  2. listen to A-Ha’s “Take on Me” and convince myself that a thread of inspiration exists between this new country artist I’m writing for and my having listened to “take on me.” Otherwise, it’s just me dancing around my kitchen to “take on me.” I prefer to see it as “gathering information.”

  3. Ask my new client every single question that could ever be asked, ever. I want to know every thing about anything that they have ever even dreamed that a song could accomplish. When I set out to write that song, I want to be so familiar with their headspace that their voice is paying rent in my imagination.

  4. I get more coffee.

This is my initial process (give or take 400 other intricate things happening that actually speak to getting work done).

I’d like to know your process.

Tell me:

  • What you do. The main thing.
  • Where you start
  • What you need to launch

No process minded folks out there?

Was in the “process” of searching the internet to find a definition of Bueller.

It means “Is anyone there”?

Tell me:

  • What you do. The main thing.
  • Where you start
  • What you need to launch

Make …

With …

A cup of tea! 🙂

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Interesting question.

As a freelance writer, I will write between 50,000 and 75,000 words a month.

This is for blogs, articles, etc.

My process is fairly simple.

  1. I get an order.

I use Fiverr for part-time income as I have numerous sources for freelance work. So, each day I have at least one writing job to complete. I write six half days (9AM-2PM, with a lunch break) a week.

  1. Research

Once I’ve determined what article(s) I will be working on for the next writing session, I will put about an hour or two the night before into research. Sometimes it’s basic stuff, other times it’s a bit more intense if I’m trying to “learn” more about a topic I’m writing about.

  1. Create Notes

Out of my research, I’ll have notes, things pulled off the internet and instructions from the client. I put all of this into a Word Document where it makes sense to me and print it out so I have hard copy to refer to.

  1. The Writing

The following morning I go to the upstairs office after breakfast and a shower. I will review my notes, re-read the clients instructions and start writing. Once an article is finished, I proofread, then I’ll run it through Grammarly (just in case) to help tighten it up. I’ll proofread a second time, then submit. All of my finished work is at least 90% first draft with some tweaks.

  1. Repeat

Either I move on to another article or I am done for the day. After dinner/supper I go back to my research cycle and go from there.

For me, it’s a simple system that works well. I’ve been writing since high school and spent the better part of the past 40 years as a news reporter (radio/newspaper) among other media tasks so being able to churn out decent first drafts is common for me.

I hope this helps.

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No process minded folks out there?

Was in the “process” of searching the internet to find a definition of Bueller.

It means “Is anyone there”?

Tell me:

  • What you do. The main thing.
  • Where you start
  • What you need to launch

Make …

With …

A cup of tea! 🙂

Mine was a reference to the thespian masterclass that is “Ferris Bueller’s day off.”

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In this thread we discuss your process.

Your freelance process, not your Netflix selection procedure or your mating ritual.

Although… your mating ritual is bound to be funnier. Alright, let me update the thread topic:

The thread where we talk about your process and maybe mating rituals (if they’re weird, like bringing a miniature karaoke machine with you everywhere you go, because you do a wicked Steven Tyler impression and you’re the kinda person who says things like, “chicks dig air guitar”)

No. I’ve re-decided. Let’s keep it strictly to your freelance process.

As a songwriter, my freelance career and my in person - pro writing career can look very different. In person, I’m working with an artist or production team who’s body of work is the launching pad of our new artistic pursuits. It’s my job to factor in their career trajectory, what they’ve said previously, what they haven’t said and what portion of those statements (melodically and philosophically) have to remain in place to retain an audience’s interest. Then I’m taxed with moving the needle. This is an example of contracted work - and it’s entirely different than staff writing, which has its own process.

None of these metrics may apply to freelancing.

But there are similarities. So the initial process remains the same:

  1. Get coffee.

  2. listen to A-Ha’s “Take on Me” and convince myself that a thread of inspiration exists between this new country artist I’m writing for and my having listened to “take on me.” Otherwise, it’s just me dancing around my kitchen to “take on me.” I prefer to see it as “gathering information.”

  3. Ask my new client every single question that could ever be asked, ever. I want to know every thing about anything that they have ever even dreamed that a song could accomplish. When I set out to write that song, I want to be so familiar with their headspace that their voice is paying rent in my imagination.

  4. I get more coffee.

This is my initial process (give or take 400 other intricate things happening that actually speak to getting work done).

I’d like to know your process.

Tell me:

  • What you do. The main thing.
  • Where you start
  • What you need to launch

the thespian masterclass that is “Ferris Bueller’s day off.”

Now, who would have thought of that!

Let’s keep it strictly to your freelance process.

Unfortunately my brain has difficulty with this as I am extremely worried that you are having an “out of character” experience.

In fact, so much so, that I have found it necessary to go and make another cup of tea.

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the thespian masterclass that is “Ferris Bueller’s day off.”

Now, who would have thought of that!

Let’s keep it strictly to your freelance process.

Unfortunately my brain has difficulty with this as I am extremely worried that you are having an “out of character” experience.

In fact, so much so, that I have found it necessary to go and make another cup of tea.

you are having an “out of character” experience.

I know, I know…

It isn’t my position to create some normalized fiverrian conversation thread.

Far be it from me to break the fourth wall on my Kaufman-esk “character performance.”

(Kaufman-esk is similar to Kafka-esk with the former being to act like a weird imaginary creature as opposed to becoming one)

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Interesting question.

As a freelance writer, I will write between 50,000 and 75,000 words a month.

This is for blogs, articles, etc.

My process is fairly simple.

  1. I get an order.

I use Fiverr for part-time income as I have numerous sources for freelance work. So, each day I have at least one writing job to complete. I write six half days (9AM-2PM, with a lunch break) a week.

  1. Research

Once I’ve determined what article(s) I will be working on for the next writing session, I will put about an hour or two the night before into research. Sometimes it’s basic stuff, other times it’s a bit more intense if I’m trying to “learn” more about a topic I’m writing about.

  1. Create Notes

Out of my research, I’ll have notes, things pulled off the internet and instructions from the client. I put all of this into a Word Document where it makes sense to me and print it out so I have hard copy to refer to.

  1. The Writing

The following morning I go to the upstairs office after breakfast and a shower. I will review my notes, re-read the clients instructions and start writing. Once an article is finished, I proofread, then I’ll run it through Grammarly (just in case) to help tighten it up. I’ll proofread a second time, then submit. All of my finished work is at least 90% first draft with some tweaks.

  1. Repeat

Either I move on to another article or I am done for the day. After dinner/supper I go back to my research cycle and go from there.

For me, it’s a simple system that works well. I’ve been writing since high school and spent the better part of the past 40 years as a news reporter (radio/newspaper) among other media tasks so being able to churn out decent first drafts is common for me.

I hope this helps.

I hope this helps.

Do you have any pregame rituals? Go to sources of inspiration or similar actions that put you in your zone?

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I hope this helps.

Do you have any pregame rituals? Go to sources of inspiration or similar actions that put you in your zone?

Good question.

Nope.

I think since I HAD to write when I was the editor/owner/publisher of a newspaper with a weekly deadline, the need to fill space with words strung together in sentences and paragraphs just make it easy to write just about anything now.

I RARELY have dry spells.

I can’t remember the last time.

But nothing “pre-game” at all.

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So… fun fact is I have been thinking about a thread like this, although I don’t think I have a ‘process’ just yet.
When I was writing just for fun, it used to be - finish homework, sleep till 10PM, wake up, hyperfocus for x hours and repeat - (luckily my grades didn’t suffer that much, I was a smart bean.

But… once I’ve started taking writing seriously is where things got a bit jumbled up. The way I think is, my brain still thinks that ‘writing 6000 words in two-and-a-half-ish hours is the way to go’ - which it can be for some people, but it absolutely drains me. I don’t have a real preparation ritual to it (other than, when too tired, making a strong cuppa of whichever chocolate tea that smells like has the most caffeine) and reading through the docs I was provided.

I am definitely a ‘work in short bursts and then be done for the week’ kind of person, but the more ‘good days’ like that I have, the more I suffer after (like, I have to legitimately be reminded I should be water (which results in, yes, more tea.) for 2-3 days and then rinse and repeat. So far this ‘crazy mad scientist gets inspired on a whim’ thing has worked (and no one’s been complaining) but I do realize it probably won’t be OK in the long run - so I’m working on slowing down. I’m writing every single day instead of whenever it feels right - which does seem to prevent me from complete burnouts but also makes me grumpy so… Looking for the middle ground basically.

(Yeah, I wish I had a magic routine or something going on, but still haven’t quite figured that out yet. I… have time I guess?)

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Good question.

Nope.

I think since I HAD to write when I was the editor/owner/publisher of a newspaper with a weekly deadline, the need to fill space with words strung together in sentences and paragraphs just make it easy to write just about anything now.

I RARELY have dry spells.

I can’t remember the last time.

But nothing “pre-game” at all.

I relate to this and I know what you’re saying. You’re saying writers write.

I’ve retained that muscle memory from staff writing. In that way, there’s a beautiful grey where our world’s intertwine. It was the last holdover from the Tin Pan approach. A workman’s approach of burying your head in the muck and grind until the job was done.

That place is as long gone as your place. All in the name of that precious progress they sold us.

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So… fun fact is I have been thinking about a thread like this, although I don’t think I have a ‘process’ just yet.

When I was writing just for fun, it used to be - finish homework, sleep till 10PM, wake up, hyperfocus for x hours and repeat - (luckily my grades didn’t suffer that much, I was a smart bean.

But… once I’ve started taking writing seriously is where things got a bit jumbled up. The way I think is, my brain still thinks that ‘writing 6000 words in two-and-a-half-ish hours is the way to go’ - which it can be for some people, but it absolutely drains me. I don’t have a real preparation ritual to it (other than, when too tired, making a strong cuppa of whichever chocolate tea that smells like has the most caffeine) and reading through the docs I was provided.

I am definitely a ‘work in short bursts and then be done for the week’ kind of person, but the more ‘good days’ like that I have, the more I suffer after (like, I have to legitimately be reminded I should be water (which results in, yes, more tea.) for 2-3 days and then rinse and repeat. So far this ‘crazy mad scientist gets inspired on a whim’ thing has worked (and no one’s been complaining) but I do realize it probably won’t be OK in the long run - so I’m working on slowing down. I’m writing every single day instead of whenever it feels right - which does seem to prevent me from complete burnouts but also makes me grumpy so… Looking for the middle ground basically.

(Yeah, I wish I had a magic routine or something going on, but still haven’t quite figured that out yet. I… have time I guess?)

I… have time I guess?

That early, magic space of a young writer writing is absolutely everything. Each attempt could be an epiphany. Each stretch can be a consolidation of a new style. It’s amazing to be limitless.

There’s more merit to “not knowing what you don’t know” than us grizzled writer-types will tell you.

Of course there’s more merit to knowing what you don’t know. But, you’ll have time for that. Now is the time to play fast and reckless.

The only process that’s crucial is total soul-consumption. If you’re doing it right, it should feel like heat exhaustion. It’s real time introspective extraction. A lonely, skull crushing activity with a soundtrack of your internal monologue performing a loop of unfinished ideas.

Its a nightmare.

It’s beautiful.

Read everybody’s everything. “Get” all their rhythms. Learn everyone’s philosophies and hunt down their exercises. Study them until your mind is numb. Love and respect the rules. The rules are secret code. They are to be found - not distributed.

Know that there are rules! Anyone saying otherwise is too daft to find them

Then break them all and observe them again

(I’m not sure when this became a speaking engagement).

Be honest with yourself to the point of fear … then, be fearless enough to keep doing it. Fear is the bridge that connects the human experience.

Then, for goodness sake, take into account that all this chest puffing, gutter advice is coming from some know-nothing songwriter. Successful people in my world have written gum jingles.

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Yeah. Dear It was AWESOME 😍

I’m sorry, but some of these random posts make me chuckle.

I’m pretty sure someone would randomly post a similar reply even if it were a thread regarding colonoscopies.

I’m sorry, but some of these random posts make me chuckle.

Sometimes it’s just nice to be wanted.

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Hmm … Well … the biggest part of my process is making myself sit down and start, even though, all of a sudden, I feel an almost irrepressible urge to do things I don’t really want to do but should actually do eventually, or should already have done last week, or month, or year, like climb on the roof and clear the leaves from the eves gutter, repaint the kitchen, shine all the shoes, and defrost the fridge, in that or reverse order, or even things I usually would not ever even consider doing, like clean the bathroom tiles with a toothbrush, sort my books alphabetically (they need to be sorted by colour, obviously), or go grocery shopping in broad daylight.

Once I’ve talked sense into myself, and under the reproachful glare of NeeChee, the plushie cat, who doesn’t want to become homeless and sofaless, I’ll open a YT window, choose some music without lyrics (too distracting if you deal with words) that fits my mood of the day, or the job at hand, or both, and start.

Once I’ve started, it’s all love, peace, and harmony, with rainbows and unicorns sprinkled all over, and the flow can be so zoney that suddenly I notice it’s dark, and check the time with panic-widened eyes, to see if the supermarket is already closed.

Roughly about that.

Very boring, I know.

However. After I haven’t heard or read anything about Ferris whatsoever since years, I guess, or even decades, just yesterday, a friend mentioned the movie in a mail, today I read a reference to it in a Fiverr forum thread … if I happen to read or hear of it for the 3rd day in a row tomorrow, it must be the universe telling me something, a sign … that I should do something really outrageous, like … take a day off.

That masterful artwork of a movie went under the title of “Ferris macht blau” here, by the way, which literally translates to “Ferris makes blue”. “Blaumachen”, “make blue” meaning, you may have guessed it, “skip (work/school/weekly hamster club meeting/…)”. I love my work. And I’m not a procrastinator – a nice lady in a Ted Talk told me I’m not a procrastinator but only have a procrastination habit!
And now, I’m wondering whether a 2021 Ferris remake would be called “Ferris the procrastinator” instead of “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” instead of going to bed …

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Thanks for the @

Hmm. I am like you and really want to feel a connection to the project (and by that, person, team, company, world they inhabit). This is increasingly difficult when people think talking is wrong, creepy, or that my asking Q makes me some sort of Principal Frye, and therefore worthy of ignoring or insulting.

If I can get through that briar patch with something resembling common decency and a sense of what the greater (and specific) Story is, I move to assessing the materials sent. If they pass muster I open the project.

I will have already had morning coffee and my loins are as girded as I can get them with intestinal bluffing that this is worth doing. In good projects, this process is easy as the above has gone swimmingly and I can already hear the beauty hiding in the raw work.

Rather than trying to be immediately creative, I lay my field of battle by arranging the material. When Mixing that is the Stems in an order that makes sense, which oddly enough is not alphabetical!. This helps me have some idea of what is in here, what may need help, what screams Story.

With songs, I usually start on the Vocals first. Despite the common misunderstanding, Drums are a dime-a-dozen, the singer is the unique bit of it all. The person most clearly carrying the Story. I look for how to bring the unique beauty of this singer even if they sing like Lou Reed - yes today from his pine box.

Vocal parts singing nice enough to call it a single just as it is, I turn to the next most musical - storytelling part. I make that so it sings almost as nice as the vocals and balances to support the singer/s. I work that down to the last part and then go watch TV for the evening. It is most of a day’s work if it is a full track with many Stems.

After TV is done and the Ghost Whisperer has kissed her wonderfully tolerant dish of a hubby, I listen to what I have Mixed, right there in the lounge on a system that wouldn’t know a 1kHz test tone moments after they were formally introduced by The Queen. I see if the track works. What does, what does not translate.

Tomorrow I open it up and make those adjustments. I may re-check in the lounge. Off to Delivery it goes whilst I try to do anything but think of what the customer will say.

This is one I did recently where I got nothing but the vocal and a bassline. I built everything up around those parts (even the video). This is a case of a singer with a powerful Story to tell but no official “merits” past that passion. My job was not to hide his flaws but to push his passion forward. Those who want to snipe will, those who want to engage will. Our job (his and mine) was to get that story told.

I think we did pretty well with that. We had a fellow come to us with thanks as his family lost a daughter to a slavery gang in Eastern Europe for several years (see Taken with Liam Neeson).

🙂

maxresdefault.thumb.jpg.e912295b3fd1a4aff8d3c1f02be80987.jpg

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Let’s see…

  1. Get a cup of coffee. If you have munchies, even better.
  2. Start up the laptop. Before starting work, watch several Youtube videos. If I am determined enough, I will start work in less than 3 videos. In other cases I won’t get started until…10 videos later.
  3. Once I start, I’m on fire. I need SOME sound so I sometimes play rain sounds on Youtube while I work.
    If I am translating, I can’t listen to anything with words. It’s too distracting. If I am drawing, any random video will do. My cat Kintaro will demand attention so I’ll make sure to give him some lovin’ every now and then.

I try to finish as much as I can since my work motto is “Work hard today, slack off tomorrow.”

Sometimes I really lose focus and just can’t get myself to start working…
when that happens I perform this ancient Japanese ritual where I dance in a circle in the garden with my cat while chanting and sprinkling holy green tea on the ground.
It works each time.

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Let’s see…

  1. Get a cup of coffee. If you have munchies, even better.
  2. Start up the laptop. Before starting work, watch several Youtube videos. If I am determined enough, I will start work in less than 3 videos. In other cases I won’t get started until…10 videos later.
  3. Once I start, I’m on fire. I need SOME sound so I sometimes play rain sounds on Youtube while I work.

    If I am translating, I can’t listen to anything with words. It’s too distracting. If I am drawing, any random video will do. My cat Kintaro will demand attention so I’ll make sure to give him some lovin’ every now and then.

I try to finish as much as I can since my work motto is “Work hard today, slack off tomorrow.”

Sometimes I really lose focus and just can’t get myself to start working…

when that happens I perform this ancient Japanese ritual where I dance in a circle in the garden with my cat while chanting and sprinkling holy green tea on the ground.

It works each time.

I haven’t got that many orders to get into process but…

  1. Doing my full time job
  2. Checks my impression numbers (if it is >=100 celebrate )
  3. Checks my instagram (if someone wants commission happily giving my fiverr link)
  4. Procrastinate

    Loop

Didn’t even got to think what I would do if I got any orders since I’m usually busy and doesn’t get much impressions.

Then bamm 300$ orders in 2 day. Still struggling with these orders. Crying about mismanaging my time 😭 Don’t want to fail my first big orders right 😛

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I’d genuinely like to hear about your process @marinapomorac

I’d also like to know how much inspiration plays a factor into getting into the job.

Note: Or you can ask me to withdraw this post. We don’t have a required class “show & tell” that I know of.

I was raised by workaholic and I enjoy working.

Like if I had to pick between working and relaxing with friends and family I will always pick working.

I do not drink coffee or alcohol, never did, nor need for that.

I have skills in multiple areas and I also teach them which keeps my skills fresh.

Imagine teaching lectures and how to make PPT or video or similar every day for 15 years and also be surrounded with talented people that give you new ideas on how to approach your design and also zero talented people and because I am teacher I can not just say “you stup__ you quit” but I have to find what they are good at and by searching also expanding my knowledge.

I can improve your PPT or create something on the point much faster than most because I have seen people fails everyday.

You know when people come here and say “I have 5-10-15 years of experience”.

That is only you, working alone or with your team. Your 15 years.

As instructor I make thousands of designs and I see thousands of design and I know which one worked and which one did not. Times 12-20 times 6 every day (20 students in 6 classes).

So my mind works differently from classic “freelancer”.

When I see problem I do not only work on solution. I am also thinking about how can I teach this so it doesn’t happen again and put it in the next course lectures.

My biggest problem in progress is that my mind is working faster than I can deliver.

And I can’t stop it.

Your question is too broad for me.

Give me a specific example and I will tell you my process.

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I was raised by workaholic and I enjoy working.

Like if I had to pick between working and relaxing with friends and family I will always pick working.

I do not drink coffee or alcohol, never did, nor need for that.

I have skills in multiple areas and I also teach them which keeps my skills fresh.

Imagine teaching lectures and how to make PPT or video or similar every day for 15 years and also be surrounded with talented people that give you new ideas on how to approach your design and also zero talented people and because I am teacher I can not just say “you stup__ you quit” but I have to find what they are good at and by searching also expanding my knowledge.

I can improve your PPT or create something on the point much faster than most because I have seen people fails everyday.

You know when people come here and say “I have 5-10-15 years of experience”.

That is only you, working alone or with your team. Your 15 years.

As instructor I make thousands of designs and I see thousands of design and I know which one worked and which one did not. Times 12-20 times 6 every day (20 students in 6 classes).

So my mind works differently from classic “freelancer”.

When I see problem I do not only work on solution. I am also thinking about how can I teach this so it doesn’t happen again and put it in the next course lectures.

My biggest problem in progress is that my mind is working faster than I can deliver.

And I can’t stop it.

Your question is too broad for me.

Give me a specific example and I will tell you my process.

@marinapomorac ASD?

🙂

somemorecharacterstoletmepost

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Hmm … Well … the biggest part of my process is making myself sit down and start, even though, all of a sudden, I feel an almost irrepressible urge to do things I don’t really want to do but should actually do eventually, or should already have done last week, or month, or year, like climb on the roof and clear the leaves from the eves gutter, repaint the kitchen, shine all the shoes, and defrost the fridge, in that or reverse order, or even things I usually would not ever even consider doing, like clean the bathroom tiles with a toothbrush, sort my books alphabetically (they need to be sorted by colour, obviously), or go grocery shopping in broad daylight.

Once I’ve talked sense into myself, and under the reproachful glare of NeeChee, the plushie cat, who doesn’t want to become homeless and sofaless, I’ll open a YT window, choose some music without lyrics (too distracting if you deal with words) that fits my mood of the day, or the job at hand, or both, and start.

Once I’ve started, it’s all love, peace, and harmony, with rainbows and unicorns sprinkled all over, and the flow can be so zoney that suddenly I notice it’s dark, and check the time with panic-widened eyes, to see if the supermarket is already closed.

Roughly about that.

Very boring, I know.

However. After I haven’t heard or read anything about Ferris whatsoever since years, I guess, or even decades, just yesterday, a friend mentioned the movie in a mail, today I read a reference to it in a Fiverr forum thread … if I happen to read or hear of it for the 3rd day in a row tomorrow, it must be the universe telling me something, a sign … that I should do something really outrageous, like … take a day off.

That masterful artwork of a movie went under the title of “Ferris macht blau” here, by the way, which literally translates to “Ferris makes blue”. “Blaumachen”, “make blue” meaning, you may have guessed it, “skip (work/school/weekly hamster club meeting/…)”. I love my work. And I’m not a procrastinator – a nice lady in a Ted Talk told me I’m not a procrastinator but only have a procrastination habit!

And now, I’m wondering whether a 2021 Ferris remake would be called “Ferris the procrastinator” instead of “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” instead of going to bed …

2021 Ferris remake

Wait!

We mustn’t throw such violent thoughts into space. It’s relativity. It’s mutant manifestation. Sometimes, a wish is the chime heard on the wind. Depending on the listener - that wish may come true. Depending on the wind, it can be brutal.

Do you realize what sort of disorganized, fragmentia could emerge by remaking Ferris Bueller?

Ferris Bueller is the guardian to the cosmic portal. A teenage movie about delinquency with a moral center and grade - A humanity? That’s not a movie. That’s a miracle produced by the universe, sent here to protect us from ourselves. An audio/video ancient scroll, translated into 80’s lingo, complete with a modernized monastic chant:

(Bow Bow chick … chick-a-chick ahhhhh)

Ferris is a modern translation of Fergus. Fergus in Irish culture can be traced to Fearghuis (or Feargus) a giant appearing with mortals as a protector. Some believe him to be a spirit - or God- protecting the realm for those that share his story. His forms have included a lengthy run as protector and king of Ulster. Sworn to always protect - until he was replaced. Needless to say … they weren’t so protected after that.

(There’s also a lot of “Lengthy” information on the size of his … let’s call it “Manhood.” Like, an uncomfortable amount of info. Like… who was asking to this extent?)

By now, I’m sure you’ve made the connection. In its current form, “Ferris Bueller’s Day off” is our protector of this realm. Remaking it would act as a symbolic “replacement” ceremony, causing the realm to be totally susceptible to all sorts of badness.

I ask you, “in the name of O’ Fearghuis, where does it stop?

We, the small and pitiful of this fleshly tribe, have already tempted the fates by remaking Psycho.

(Pause Scene: Seriously, does anybody remember that? The time that Gus Van Zant lost his ever loving mind, got drunk while watching “Swingers” and thought, “This loud kid would make an amazing Norman Bates?” Was that a fever dream?)

It’s a commonly known fact that ideological and mythological deities loath the remake. We’re bending the spatial and temporal dimensions by eroding the ecosystem of preservation currently provided to us by such diverse and complex beings.

Rumor has it, upon seeing the live action remake of “Dumbo,” Perun, Slavic God of Sky, returned to the Pantheon and denounced Polytheism. Denounced it! Reason cited?

“There’s no amount of deities that can undo this dumpster pile. I’m out.”

Great! So let’s hope the sky doesn’t need tending to.

Pangu, the Chinese horned beast that came into existence from the same egg that birthed the universe watched thirty minutes of the “Carrie” remake and immediately posed the primordial existential question. He posed it directly to the Jade Emperor! The actual inventor of “something.” Who was all like, “because I said so.”

Do you see the consequences of these actions? Remakes aren’t just bad movies, they’re a declaration of a divinity lost. It’s humans run amuck.

Our muck runneth over.

Please, please never suggest, even in the most hypothetical and passive sense, that “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” could ever be remade.

But, if it pleases the God’s, I’d definitely listen to a sequel pitch.

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