Twice in this thread an active community member was silenced for offering colorful opinions. By colorful, I mean dark.
By dark I mean, “Andy’s version of reality has an Orwellian penned forward and an accompanying desk to place yourself under should the bombs come.”
Still … Are we being serious with that?
At various points in my Fiverr “(ahem…) career,” I’ve enjoyed this forum. It was a Barnum level fever dream.
Eccentric writers that didn’t understand publishing.
Psychics that picked the wrong lottery numbers.
Musicians who couldn’t play instruments without electricity.
We even had a guy that would soundtrack your life for five dollars. With a kazoo.
He was later arrested for stalking.
(That’s a joke. So I better not see one “I will soundtrack your life with my kazoo” gigs or else it’s curtains Mack).
Essentially, the Fiverr forum was the bar scene from Billy Joel’s “Piano Man” without the drink minimum…
There is a drink minimum and we’re fully aware that you’re not participating. Our guard Barney will escort you to the door.
Lest you forget, there’s only two kinds of escorts: the really fun kind and the really “you just got your head jammed through the door” kind.
Drink up pumpkin)…
Yes, we followed the general “non - grey” concepts of the TOS. What we didn’t do, was lay heavy on the “report” trigger like Stallone in a jungle scene.
Since when was disagreeing with someone the terminating factor on their presence?
Look at all the positive inventions born from passionately disagreeing with someone:
*The boneless chicken wing
*Anti - Vegetarianism
*Anti - Anti Vegetarianism … that’s when you eat meat but you hate other people that eat meat just to hate them.
I think I’ve proven my point.
You may disagree with Andy.
Some people, very presently in this thread, may disagree with Andy …
…The disagreer may be wearing gym pants, slapped across a couch, sitting in front of a box of “Swiss Rolls,” because he lacks the type of self control that his parent’s should have installed in me from the onslaught. Perhaps that would have prevented my romantic predilection to wild music venues and musty, night people. Possibly that foresight could have manifested into a promising law vocation. Or even a lawful one. Maybe you should have tried harder Dad. Maybe taking me to music venues at five to perform for drunks like some Americanized Pinocchio wasn’t the game of catch that I really needed.
We’re not all going to agree. But we should be able to express those disagreeable thoughts.
Let’s just get it out of the way right now. I’m gonna express some hard truths that you are just going to have to accept. You’re not going to agree and that’s just the type of mental shock therapy that you need.
This is good for you. You’re gonna survive it. You’ll be better for it.
1) “Take on Me” by A-Ha is the greatest song ever written.
I’m including Beethoven’s “Eroica” and “Yesterday” in that contest. A-HA still wins.
2) Apple Pie is terrible.
From now on the phrase “It’s as American as apple pie” will be: “It’s as American as eating too many hot wings and falling asleep in your work shirt.”
3) Tim and Dawn are better than Jim and Pam.
But Buttercup and Wesley are better than all of them. Don’t you even dare think that Jim could have navigated the Fire Swamp! Jim would have watched Pam get eaten by a large rodent, while being lit on fire, sold her scraps to Humperdinck and made an ironic shoulder shrug to the camera.
4) Paul McCartney is a vastly better writer than John Lennon.
*That one doesn’t even come with a punchline. I’m just disgusted by these death obsessed, pseudo artists trying to lecture me on the blandness of the guy who wrote “Eleanor Rigby,” and who just so happened to spend more time working in the studio on all the collective materials.Paul was the filter. Disagreeing is taking the engineering staff against their word.
*Neil Aspinall quote
5) 11 is the best number.
It is and that’s final. Your favorite number is eleven. Don’t argue with me, you’re only making it worse.
6) Daydreams are just inexpensive hallucinations.
Sometimes you wanna “trip way far out man,” but you’re also economically conservative and you can’t dip into your allotted coffee budget.
7) Cheers is the funniest show ever.
I would also accept “The Golden Girls” or “General Hospital.”
8) David Lynch has no idea what he’s doing.
That’s why he won’t talk about his writing. He’s not writing. He’s interviewing live in residents at the old age home, asking “what was your last dream,” and sticking the ideas into a hat. Before shooting, he reaches for an idea at random.
And you know what? That’s exactly what he should be doing. It’s perfect. We love it. Give us more of that “senior citizen,” bad kitchen food induced dream stuff Dave.
There it is guys. An entire assortment of complete facts that challenge you, provoke you, stroke your hair when you throw up at the toilet and say, “we’re gonna get through this.”
So please … relax a little. When it’s time to be truly upset, you’ll know.
Because I will have done something unforgivable (like take over an entire thread with an unrelated novel) and your “true” anger will finally have a home.
Note: So … I understand the irony of creating an anti report post and how it begs itself to be reported. I hadn’t really thought that far … but by the time I got to the Billy Joel reference, it was just too late to turn back, ya know?
Please be a dear. Don’t hide this post. I’ll be your best friend. I mean … sure, I’m a needy friend. I’m constantly FaceTiming without giving a heads up. I invite you to places when I know you’re busy, just to be able to say that I gave you an invite. I’m a classic alpha male. I suffer from a Napoleon complex (but only from the forehead up). I make you wait through my favorite songs in the car before I allow you to speak (then I keep playing songs, because you’re uncomfortable, plus you don’t know the words. So I keep pointing at you to finish the verses for me and I watch you squirm).
But at my core, I’m really good, modest people. So please … leave this post alone.