When I’m not busy satirizing the Fiverr Forum, I also do repetitive operations for currency. I call this venture, a “job (jahh-buh).”
I’m a professional songwriter. It’s a neat job, where you show up to music studios and artist’s residencies and prove your ability to rhyme things all while counting to four. Sometimes my job is to make your rhymes better rhymes. Other times, my job is to take one word from your initial concept, write a completely different concept, give you half the credit and allow you to feature this song on what used to be called “Albums (owl - buums).”
I am also a former staff writer and touring performer. Having pitched to many artists with record deals, a primitive concept wherein artists made actual money for having actual skills, from actual record companies (say - tun) I have had many humorous instances… and THAT is the theme of today’s post.
I want to hear the absolute weirdest request you’ve received during the pandemic.
Freelancing can get weird. Whether in person or in platform, we’ve all been asked for services that didn’t fit the descriptions of what we offer. I want to hear your stories. Remember, no names, no screenshots, no DNA samples, just tell us about some weirdness.
To kick us off, I will share one. Here is a retelling of a request I received less than a week ago:
I need you to write me a Christmas song. Can you do that? It needs to be a song that can be played during Christmas get togethers. I would very much like this song to not mention Christmas. I also don’t want any mention of the holidays. Like, no presents talk or decorations or anything like that. It’s not a Santa type song or a religious song. Also, we don’t get snow where I live so nothing about the weather or a specific month. Just a very Christmas based song. Something that only works during Christmas - just not about that. I need it in less than three days."
So, I wrote a 60’s song and recorded jingling bells over it.
Your turn. Tell me some weird requests that you’ve received during the pandemic.