I think today has to be the funniest day for me with Buyer Requests.
I saw this monstrosity of a request with an abysmal budget.
Hello! PLEASE READ CAREFULLY AND DO NOT APPLY IF YOU DO NOT MEET ALL QUALIFICATIONS AS I WILL REQUEST CANCELLATION AND REFUND THROUGH FIVERR CUSTOMER SUPPORT IF NEEDED. Sorry for the intro, but I have had a couple of producers try to work on this song for me and they under performed as you will hear on the track. I have had great experiences on here with other very talented producers, but this job is only for a producer who can create the entire instrumental from scratch including guitars and bass. SONG: “HOW TO RULE YA” REQUIREMENTS: -YOUR OFFER MUST INCLUDE COMMERCIAL USE, 2 REVISIONS MINIMUM AND STEMS AND HQ FILE DELIVERY. I WILL GIVE 5 DAYS AS THIS IS NOT A HARD INSTRUMENTAL. -IF YOU APPLY YOU ARE AGREEING THAT YOU ARE QUALIFIED AND HAVE THE SKILL SET TO CREATE THE ENTIRE INSTRUMENTAL AS IT SOUNDS WITH ALL INSTRUMENTS/SOUNDS/EFFECTS BUT BETTER. YOU MUST RECREATE AT 95% MATCH TO MY INSTRUMENTAL MINIMUM. IF IT SOUNDS BETTER EVEN BETTER! -ONE EXCEPTION IS THE BASS. I WANT TO KEEP THE RHYTHM OF THE BASS, BUT THE SOUND IS A LITTLE TOO GRUNGY/GRITTY (UNCLEAN) FOR THE RECORD IF THAT MAKES SENSE SO I NEED SOMEONE WHO WILL SEND ME 2-3 BASS SOUND OPTIONS SO I CAN PICK THE RIGHT TONE I LIKE, BUT PLAY IT THE SAME WAY ON THE TRACK. -YOUR INSTRUMENTAL MUST NOT INCLUDE ANY STATIC THAT YOU WILL HEAR WHEN YOU LISTEN TO THE TRACK (on bass, guitars, drums- drums, etc.) WHICH IS WHY I AM HIRING AGAIN FOR THIS SONG I OWN THE RIGHTS TO. IT SHOULD BE A CLEAN TRACK WITH A DYNAMIC GROOVE. I’M SURE AFTER HEARING THE INSTRUMENTAL YOU WILL UNDERSTAND. Please listen to track in full before applying as you have to be able to make the entire song from scratch. Also please send me a note in offer letting me know you can do this. Nothing generic. I want to know you hear the problems. I’ll make a decision a day from now so please give me time. Samples always welcomed. Thank you, (Name Redacted)
I decided I’d take one right out of @benedictrm 's book and apply with the appropriate budget, complying with everything that was being asked, for a total of $540. It seemed to me that it would be right price considering what was being asked, the days that would go into it, etc.
I just received this hilarious response and I thought “I have to share this!”.
I’ll tell you now, my rate of $150 is to cover 4-6 hours of work for an original composition and pre-mixed track with 0 revisions and delivered in 1 day, not a project where I would have to sit for about 5 days and be monitored each day whilst I figure out the chords/notes as well as do the sound design. I wish I had opened my eyes sooner. Benedict, you’re doing something right! I’ve got to start answering more to these silly buyer requests.
P.S. Their song was most definitely not great.