Or ever. And I’m just checking if you’re going to fall for it, so that I can do it again.
I don’t bother. I have a rule against contacting CS unless it is a matter of live or death.
I used to have a hard line against ever canceling or putting up with nonsense. However, now I can’t be bothered. Now, I just try to preemptively cancel any order which seems a little suspicious.
These are my favorites:
- “I have already translated everything and you just need to proofread it.”
In 99% of cases, it means someone decided to use Google to save some money on translation.
- “It’s an easy task and it will take you a couple of minutes to make it.”
Which basically means they want to have an urgent translation here and now for $5.
- “I will place an order in a couple of hours (days, weeks).” They never will…
- “I asked my Russian (imaginary) friend and he didn’t like it. I want a refund.”
Usually it happens in 5 minutes after the delivery.
- “I will send you 6 birth certificates. They have around 500 words, so $5 is a fair price for this work.”
And my favorite ones are those, who click the revision button just to say “I will send revision requirements later.”
Yup, this one. Or “Putting this into revision as we won’t be able to have a look until Monday.” Whenever we get this, we re-submit the exact same work, and politely remind the buyer that they’re misusing the revision button. That’s usually stopped it.
In other words, “I’ve mismanaged my time so you’re going to have to be on standby until I’m ready.”
Or “I’m just a middleman, I’ve sent your work to my client, and I have no idea when they’re going to respond. Oh, and they might go on a vacation.”
My favorite is getting a large script
They order without contacting you first.
Then you look at the voice over script and see there’s 50 or more foreign unpronounceable tongue twister words.
Your shoulders slump as you ask the client for examples. While searching Google and waisting and hour. Customer says “don’t worry it’s just the English version they don’t have to sound perfect”.
After the delivery you get revision after revision “because they sound weird!”. Learnt my lesson now anyone sending these scripts is told right up front revisions for pronouciation on non English words are extra.
Probably 8 people before me said no and passed on the script.
All the time! There are always some one trying to be sneaky, pretending they didn’t see my portfolio or prices. Those who ask samples I block right away after a polite message that all work on fiverr starts after placing an order as per fiverr TOS.
Another one is 5 min changes (of course as buyer saying “if you are a skilled designer it will take you just 5min, kind of implying that for 5 min I wouldn’t charge more than 5$ )those banned right away.
Designers to be able to do it in 5min studied a lot, invested a lot and worked a lot for clients to pay back now for all those years, not to devalue our knowledges.
And also “I already have a logo and I don’t really want to change it I just need to touch it up a little bit. Which meant to start from zero, redraw everything and come up with a new idea for their logo”
But to be honest I mostly have great clients and with first signs of “this” I block them right away. I don’t need more problems than I already have so no way I voluntarily will agree to work with such buyers.
This one drives me nuts…
The “My Client this, My Client that” buyer
I remind buyers quite often that they are the one buying the gig and my responsibilities are to you and not your client. Buyers always referring to their client in a third party way always expect free revisions or script changes.
:))) I had this dude years ago who was talking about a potential project and he was just going and going about the quality of the text he received (in Russian) and how he wanted to “take care” of that order and the seller and get everything redone and then proceed with the design.
I told him the text was pretty well-written, actually, and got brushed off because how could I know. He had no idea Ukrainians usually speak Russian pretty well. I did decline working with them just in case, though. Didn’t want to be another evil seller from the past who did a bad job that needed to “be taken care of”.
I genuinely find this surprising and outrageous. I simply wouldn’t dream of asking a logo designer (or writer, or anything else) give me a free sample to my specifications before I order something. The only possible exception is if I’m spending thousands, but even then, you usually find that a good portfolio is more than enough. I wouldn’t ask a builder to come and knock a wall of my house down before I decide whether he’s capable of building my extension. The mind boggles.
I remember reading a quote somewhere that said something along the lines of, “the fact that I can do something so effectively, in just 5 minutes, is the exact reason WHY you should pay me more money to do it.”
Yup, we get a lot of this. I was, at one point, getting loads of work from a client who wanted me to do all of their Nordic work for them, for reasons that I still don’t quite understand (you’d think there would be lots of talented Nordic Male VO people, but I’m not complaining!). The scripts would be 99% fine, but always have a Dutch business/place in, and I always felt like I was butchering the pronunciation (although they kept coming back!).
Yes !!! Nordic, and Russian words have that gutteral “chhhh” sound, very hard to get right.
Plus the inflection on words changes in the middle. Unlike English
I still find the most difficult sound is ы which sounds (the best described) like someone punched you in your gut
Sorry for going off topic
Not to gross you out or go off topic.
But I had my adenoids and tonsils removed some years ago because of apnia some years ago. Something I say actually helped my voice. However, this makes pronouncing these words almost impossible for me.
Price on the package is based on 1 figure. I had a buyer who added 10 or so object on a single page to order. Might I add they have chosen the basic package! When I wanted to discuss it with them, their reply was, “well your portfolio image is more complex”. I replied them with, in case you have missed I have 3 packages.
Can’t agree more!
Just a few of my favorites:
I usually say that I’m a dyslexic and English isn’t my first language so could they please format the text properly. But this one just explained what’s the deal with random spacing in some copy I get to work with.
I had a seller trying to outsource the project to me (we’re in the same category but looking at their samples versus the references provided by the buyer they had no business accepting that order). They were selling their works for $10 and offered me a hefty price of $5. I declined and was told: “No, I believe you can do it.”
This one is a nightmare to deal with. “My boss is unhappy, I want to make them happy, DO SOMETHING.”
I’d love to hear that narration, though. :)) Especially in a corporate style. On a semi-related note, I didn’t know Cradle of Filth were still a thing.
My British art director decided to learn Russian to ensure we didn’t talk smack behind his back and he was very good with individual sounds. He got “zh” almost immediately which is a miracle in itself but the combination of sounds he couldn’t do.
They started to study the numbers and he got to “9” and quit because it had that “vya” in the middle that just broke his will.
Sorry for OT, I just find this topic very fascinating.
[Usually a day or after I delivered an order to a client] “I have another order coming for you soon, but can you do X for me. It’s a simple thing that will only take a few minutes.”
[When you tell them your price - they usually reply a few days later] “How about this, I will pay you X now, and if I like the work you delivered I will tip you X.”
Client: $X just to format my 300-page book? Don’t you think that’s too high?
Me: What is your budget?
Me: Fortunately for you, there are a ton of talented formatters out there offering their service within your budget. Have a great day!
I now know that when they say their book is “around x pages” I’m probably gonna end up with 30-50 pages more. The client who gives me a precise number of pages are always truthful. When I hear “around” or “about” I know the client is a trickster.
There’s a client who I designed a cover for MONTHS back. A few weeks ago she messaged me this:
“Hi there! How are you? I was wondering if you could help me with something. I have a cover that I’ve had for years now. It was designed by a publisher that has long since gone out of business and transferred the cover rights to me. Since Amazon changed from CreateSpace to KDP print, I’ve had trouble with it accepting a few of my covers. It basically says it just needs trim added to the edges of the print cover in order for it to be accepted. Would you be willing to add the trim to the cover for me? I’m having a hard time finding someone who is willing to do it. I don’t have the option to ask the original designer because the company is out of business. It’s a very simple, quick fix. What do you say?”
I’m usually extremely kind to my clients and this is something that I have no problem doing for a loyal, repeat client. I thought she was one, so I replied:
“Let me see the file that you have.”
However, after I sent that I decided to check her profile to see how long I’ve been working with her. When I went on her profile (thank you Fiverr for this new feature!) I noticed that she only ever ordered one gig from me, a long time ago, and was actually using another cover designer REPEATEDLY since. So this cover designer was getting all her business and couldn’t do that favor for her so she came to me who wasn’t getting her repeat business?
I promptly followed up my last message with:
“Hi. Never mind. I have a few things that just landed on my plate. Good luck!”
Ha ha talking about numbers (sorry again off topic): I love making my friends saying “84 years old” in Russian which is one word and sounds like “vosmidesiaty chetireh letniy” (Восмидесяти четырех летний)
I often get something similar for translation jobs. “My text has 2675 words but some words are repeated.”