One fine day in the middle of the night, I realized it was now or never if I was ever going to escape the asylum.
During cafeteria duty when I would usually dedicate myself to drooling into other peoples gravy, I gave Nurse Pocahontas my best crazy eyes. While she was transfixed with my snake like stare, I whipped a turkey leg from the freezer and quickly secreted it into my hospital underpants.
The freezer burn was excruciating. However, as I was being marched back to my cell in my straitjacket, I managed to thrust my loins skyward high enough to concuss three security guards. Quickly I then leaped through the only non-barred window.
Breaking both collar bones on impact with the ground, I ran into the waiting woods. There I used the fox call my mother taught me to cry for aid. Within a few minutes, several she foxes in search of a mate were gnawing at my restraints.
As soon as I was free, I ran for the city with my dislocated arms flying uncontrollably around me.
My original plan was to use my hospital cafeteria experience to pitch myself to Burger King. However, while being fed spent chewing gum mouth to mouth (while my shoulders healed) by a crazy woman called Nora, I happened on the below ad christening the wall of the New York Subway:
And that’s pretty much it.