Today I had a post removed for violating TOS. The official reason was, “this post was so hysterically, gut busting funny that we’re afraid of forum members falling out of their seats and suing us for medical assistance.”
Maybe that wasn’t the reason, I forget.
That got me to thinking… (I knew I was thinking because I could hear a devious string arrangement and I was twirling my mustache… anyone else have that?)
… what is my all time favorite “removed post?” Furthermore, what is YOUR all time favorite of your removed posts?
Note: If you’re an actual jerk-face who engages in hate speech, this topic is not for you. In your case, you were censored for being hateful. Also, for having the face of a jerk. I also don’t want to hear arguments about your justification. Theoretically - none of us are justified (though I have pleaded my case like some sad, babbling victim).
So, let’s do it. Grab your favorite removed post, give us some context and let your words rise like the Phoenix.
Note to mods: This post is in no way some weird revenge post. I like my revenge the old fashioned way - I date you and then wait until your name is on the lease before showing you my true self. This is simply a venue to resurrect irrelevant or flagged topics, by making the topic that very topic.
So … here is mine. Context:
The OP tells the community that his gigs aren’t on the front page. He doesn’t ask a question, tell specific events or seek directions. It’s obvious that there’s been no attempt to research the topic and this is my favorite place to strike.
OP: My Gig was on the first page of the Fiverr search results and now I’m not able to find it.
My name is Tom and I have a solution for your problem.
We call him Uncle Vin.
Uncle Vin is technically a “sanitation worker” with offices located in the greater parts of north Jersey… but he’s a versatile man. Sanitation must provide training on a wide host of variables because, so far, Uncle Vin has solved my gambling debts, noisy neighbors, a rude mailman and he convinced a local pizzeria to abruptly close after a weird incident involving me, a hostess and a dough roller.
I’m certain that in one quick correspondence Uncle Vin will persuade the folks of Fiverr to allow your ranking to be a high position, a comfortable position…heck, even the lotus position if that’s what you want.
Don’t believe me? You think it’s happenstance that the same sellers are ALWAYS in the top spots? I bet you even think that it’s weird when you question those sellers about Uncle Vin and they say, "What are you talking about? I don’t have an Uncle Vin."
Uh huh…sure you don’t have an Uncle Vin, Mr. “I will use a ‘picture to paint’ conversion app and tell you I painted something for $5 dollars” top seller man.
Listen, it’s just us talking now, okay? No one can see this but us.
I know Uncle Vin personally.
If I were in your situation I would:
- Set up an online meeting
- have my credit card ready
- not ask too many questions.
In fact… just because I feel like we’ve gotten to know each other so well (maybe it’s love? Who are we to question fate, am I right?)… I’m gonna set the meeting up for you.
Before we do, I just wanted to give you a heads up…
Sometimes people will say “Hey Uncle Vin looks just like that Mooch guy in a wig.”
That’s totally silly. How can I be Uncle Vin if I’m me? Let’s not get into a biological squabble when we’re really here just to get things done.
Other times people might say, “So you want me to give you my credit card number and wait 48 hours to check my bank account?”
Again, we all can’t be professional accountants. Who are we to question the process of highly respected people like Uncle Vin?
Sometimes people even say, “This is my third email trying to get back in contact with you regarding my payment for that task you were gonna perform.You haven’t performed that task, you over charged me by $1000 dollars and someone with your name just auctioned off my car online. I don’t even think this email address works anymore. That and “Vin’s Sanitation” isn’t even a real company. I want my money back, Mooch or Vin or whoever you are!”
Picky, picky. Don’t be rude like these people and just keep learning the virtue of nurturing your calmness.
Here’s the bottom line… You want back on the top spot? You think you deserve that sweet front page lifestyle? Are you craving the luxury of being the toast of the town that is Fiverronia? Then you need Uncle Vin.
Ready to set up an appointment?
Okay, so on further reflection … some of that is questionable. Regardless, there it is; my favorite removed post.
What is your’s?