Fiverr Forum

Your SIRI


#1

Ok, so, this is a combo rip-off that may or may not be packed with real tips. A TRS (@emmaki) posted this: http://forum.fiverr.com/discussion/youre-sxxx/

Among the interesting responses and guesses as to the meaning of s***, @eoinfinnegan suggested it might be Siri. Now, of course, You are Siri as title doesn’t quite fit. So, I decided to rip off the idea and offer my own tips based on “Your Siri” as in - Here’s Siri for you. I’m not really an Apple product fan, but I do own an iPhone that was a gift from my Apple-insane sister. So, I’m going to feed in some of the questions I see on the forum currently (word for word,) and I’ll give you Siri’s responses. Do with them as you will:

1.) How do I promote myself? (Improve my GIgs)

SIRI: “I found this on the web: http://lifehacker.com/5883298/how-to-promote-yourself-without-being-sleazy

2.) What is Sale? (Conversations):

SIRI: “Jamie Rae Salé (born April 21, 1977) is a Canadian pair skater

3.) Give me Tips. (Tips for Sellers)

SIRI: “Here’s your tip of the day. Share Using AirDrop! In Apps that support AirDrop you can share a photo with people nearby!

4.) How do I get customers work? (Tips for Buyers)

SIRI: “Hmmmm… Here’s what I found: http://www.businessknowhow.com/startup/findcustomers.htm

5.) Why U Don’t Respond to Me??? (Ranting Pot)

SIRI: “You’re coming through loud and clear, Queen Maddie.

6.) Urgent Help Needed?!! (Suggestion Box)

SIRI: “I found this: Urgent help for flabby bellies! One small tip will give you a flat belly.” (URL was included but had some disturbing images so I left those out.)

7.) What do you think about my gig? (Improve my Gig)

SIRI: “I think, therefore I am. But let’s not put Descartes before the horse.

8.) How much is $5 in Italy? (Conversations)

SIRI: “5 USD converts to about 4.48 euros right now.

9.) I hate you all. (Fiverr Stories)

SIRI: “I’m just trying to help you.

10.) Why did you do this to me? (Ranting Pot)

SIRI: “I’ve never really thought about it.


#2

This is clearly a thinly-veiled PR drive for Crapple!


#3

The world needs eccentrics!


#4

If it was, it would have better answers. :smiley:


#5

Oh, I don’t know. Siri seems quite feisty from what you’ve posted! I might try asking Cortana (Win 10 siri) some questions tomorrow to see if it’s got any priceless gems. (I have a comatose friend in the room, cramping my style somewhat)


#6

If I find out you’ve kidnapped a bad buyer or “halp sail” seller and inflicted another head injury… Well, I’m not sending anyone from the legal department to help you THIS time!


#7

@emmaki Don’t do it! Asking Cortana questions and even just using Windows 10 is like walking down the street without clothes on shouting your personal information, deepest secrets and bank details to everyone you pass by!

I don’t like Apple either but at least they are a world further ahead in terms of security.


#8

@fonthaunt out-@emmakis @emmaki


#9

We’ll see about that!


#10

Personally, I would feel weird talking to my computer. That’s like space age technology. I quite like Windows 10, but it’s on my secondary machine so I haven’t used it much. I should probably go investigate how to turn off a lot of these privacy-violating features… not sure I care enough to bother just yet though!


#11

I used to use my win 7 machine as my main work computer with a secondary Arch Linux box for playing around. However, it was the bit about win 10 sending the first 15mbs of microphone and webcam data to Microsoft every time you turn the thing on which made me ditch it altogether. There simply isn’t any logical reason why my computer should record and video me without my knowledge for a few minutes every day. Especially if it’s without clothes Friday.


#12

Maybe you have a secret admirer at Spying On People For No Reason HQ. Suck your belly in, you’ll be fine.


#13

That was an innocent use of the word s u c k, by the way!


#14

Homeland Security already turns on cams and mics.


#15

That’s what screwdrivers and tape are for.